Infants, toddlers, twos, threes, and fours…
Does this sound like you? If so, maybe you’ll find something here that interests you. Because I have four precious children all under the age of five, this is pretty much where I live every day. I enjoy staying at home with them and thinking about whatever comes up. Of course it helps that each child is so different from one another—I am pretty sure each of the four Greek personalities is represented in my brood =) Isn’t it funny how you can go from being an autonomous, outreaching, spontaneous single female at one moment to a rather cloistered mother at the next who over-intellectualizes about the pros and cons of switching your toddler to a big boy bed? Well, it happens!
This blog is meant to share things I’ve pondered and researched over the last five years… things that have come up in my own home, questions I’ve asked, questions I’ve received, and things I am still searching out answers for. It also chronicles my battles with auditory processing disorder in one of my sons, and sensory processing disorder in another. As a psychologist and recent education graduate, I pretty much obsess about child development and how children learn. I also care deeply about the moral dimension of their hearts. If I had to state my desire in one sentence, it would be for moms to find their own conscience about what practically works for their own family—to relieve moms of pressure and guilt from the outside world of experts, and to see where the rubber meets the road in terms of childraising theory, practice, and everyone’s ultimate best interests. It is my hope that something here will help answer a question of yours, whether it is about baby training, special needs, preschool lessons, or behavior problems. Perhaps something our family has been through will save you some time, worry, or just provide the much-needed empathy for how difficult raising small ones can be!
Please feel free to comment or ask questions wherever you’d like. I thrive off of people’s feedback and would love to hear what you think.
Comments on: "Hello and Welcome!" (29)
I have four boys–and at one point they were ages 5 and under, too! Enjoy this period of your life. I know you’ve heard it before–but it goes by so quickly.
Hello,
I came across your blog while searching for a decision on whether or not to send my preschooler to kindergarden next year. Ben is 4.5 (was 4 in July) and has an auditory processing disorder. Your explanation of your oldest son sounds so much like Ben, especially the puzzles. Ben can do very complex puzzles and knows most of his letters, all colors, numbers up to 10. He is great at leap frog learning video games. But he has so many of the issues you discussed (a lot of memorizing words but cant formulate his own ideas well into speech). He goes to a speech therapist and has an IEP. I do have several months to decide but I am very conflicted over sending him or not. He would go to a very good public school. Any thoughts from a mom with this experience would be much appreciated. Thank you, Kelly Kempton
Well that’s my son all right!!At least it sounds like him! He turned 5 in nov. VERY BRIGHT indeed! He knows all the alphabet,count to 100 ,colors,shapes months,days of the week,digital time working on standard and can read small books and loves computer games and also can write his name it’s endless the things he can do. But his conversation he and she is mixed up sometimes me,I you and recalling something that happen in detail it’s broken in to bits or can’t recall vividly. I work with him at home alot academic because that is his strength. also I work on his ability to recall things by using pictures or asking him different simple questions about the matter or even drawing. He also has a IEP and receives speech but is not classified and attends a public school. I requested a 1:1 aide from the city school district untill I get a definite diagnosis from a ped specialist in about 3/12 wks cause his DR. is not certain. He has had the 1:1 about 30 days and it’s great before it was the student teacher but when she left it went downhill!!! If you told him to do something in a small group or1:1 he could do it larger groups forget about it. He starts getting confused and frustrated. But all is well with the 1:1. Build on his strengths it will help him lots with school,conversation etc. Sometimes if he can’t find a word offer him some alternatives. SEND him to school social interaction is very important it will give him ways to communicate with his peers he will recall things that happened at school in his own words!! Also LISTEN he will recall things at anytime and will want to talk LISTEN GOODLUCK!!
Hello beautiful mother,
You have a wonderful site, very helful as i just have a baby girl. Will come here daily.
Enjoy your motherhood
Hallo, I just started looking on the internet for some direction into the concerns I have about my little boy of almost 4. He is a very active, bright little boy, but no language skills. He pronounced his words wrongly, although by now we understand what he says, but strangers thinks he talks a strange language! Please can you help me with information on the auditory processing disorder and IEP that are mentioned in the letters above, for I do not have any knowledge about this.
Hey, I really like your blog.. I have mentioned your blog in mine. Hope you don’t mind.
Hello my friends
Hello! I am Ashley and i have 2 kids- Sabrina,4, and Drew, 2. My husband, Dave, and I have been married 10 years. I love my family, and we are trying to raise the kids in a Christian manner. Sabrina has, most likely, Asperger’s syndrome, and it is a challenge to deal with. Would any readers mind emailing me with suggestions about living a “normal” life? I would love to hear from people!
Hi, I found your blog on this new directory of WordPress Blogs at blackhatbootcamp.com/listofwordpressblogs. I dont know how your blog came up, must have been a typo, i duno. Anyways, I just clicked it and here I am. Your blog looks good. Have a nice day. James.
Just curious. Are your blog stats daily, monthly, or yearly. Do you update them yourself? I have a website and I would like to include stats. I need some advice. Great blog! I have 3 kids ages 4, 7 & 10.
Thanks
Hello, I have had my 3 all 20 months apart. 4.5, 2.75, 1 years. I love them dearly and love spending time at home with them (currently a full time mum) but at the moment am struggling to get all the house work done and stay sane. I feel like I could work ALL the time, not play with them and STILL not be on top of things. We have fairly organised ‘zones’ eg craft table, toy cupboard etc, but at the moment as I look around, the house is really messy around these ‘zones’.On top of this, baskets of unsorted clean washing. Any tips about this sort of thing???
Thank you so much for sharing your views. I’m a young mother of 3 and a childcare student in Australia.
I have only read a few posts so far but I found them to be a wonderful breath of freash air after reading my text books.
I have alot of ideas but I’m not at a stage where I can verbalise my views. I can see you saying what I have always felt but didn’t know how to express it. SO now I’m reading through your blogs going “YES I get that” “wow! I’m not alone lol.”
I look forward to comming back when I’m not sleep deprived & reading some more.
- Kara
I have two kids a boy and girl, ages 2 & 1…11 months difference.
thanks to your blog and will read more of your posting!!
Hi – I REALLY like this blog!!1 Thank you. I have a 4, 3 and 1.5 year old and am just sick of the gushy SAHM balony out there and I LOVE hearing advice and thoughts from a PROFESSIONAL intellgent mom who is in the same boat with very closely spaced kids. It is so lonely going from being a professional to being at home with 3 little ones with no one to relate to because I don’t scrapbook, sew matching outfits or can’t/won’t go to gymboree or all this stuff you just “HAVE” to do nowadays.
I especially love the “he’s a boy, not autistic” blog – I have been wondering / looking for info like this for over a year after I pulled my son out of his pointless “speech” classes last year knowing nothing was wrong with him and angry he was already being labeled with some “delay”. He looks, acts and talks like EVERY other boy his age I see EVERYWHERE! I’m all for screening kids for REAL problems (and God Bless the parents of children with autism – I honestly don’t know how you do it.) but, really?…. EVERY kid has to follow the exact same growth charts these days or some doc will label and send them off to specialists… anyway – yea – he’s 3 now and sounds just like your blog – a REGULAR boy.
I like the activities for 3 year olds stuff – i think i’ll print them off.
Sorry for the babbling – i was just so excited to find someone with information and advice who is fighting off the rampant dumbing-down of parents propaganda. Thank you!
I just stumbled across your blog after I googled Single income budget, and there you were! I have to say, I am HOOKED!! I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a soon to be 4 month old son, and I am now staying at home with them! So far everything I’ve read on your posts are to the point, sensible and refreshing, especially when you use your own personal experiences!! Thank you for doing this and I look forward to scouring your blog on all things kid related!!
Your blog and comments about autism, echolalia.. and just being a boy are the most helpful that I have read anywhere and I have spoken to many a speech pathologist and belong to many groups.
You explain everything so simply. As the mother of boy girl twins, with a girl who speaks non stop and a boy who is slowly, slowly catching up… I have always worried about my son.
Reading your blog I feel like he is just fine. I really enjoyed how you commented on the different ways you have interacted with your daughter, versus your sons! It really hit a chord with me.
My son is doing great, but your blog has so many great ideas!
Like about how to teach colors. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK.
laura
I’m so delighted to have found your blog. I’ve read only a few posts, but appreciate your views and articulate writing.
I look forward to reading more about your views!
Great blog. I have a blog of my own at http://www.notjustanotherdad.com on similar topics and found yours as a referral blog to mine on toe-walking. I am the father of two children. My son is almost 3 and my daughter is 8 mos. You’ve got some great posts and fabulous traffic here…I hope to get to where you are. You must have great help from husband or otherwise to find the time to write this with your “brood”. Keep it up!
I’m so glad I stumbled on this site. Brava!
I came upon your site while searching for information on echolalia. I wish your pearls of wisdom had been available when I had our children forty plus years ago. We had a two year old daughter when our our fraternal twin sons were born, and then we moved to a village in Alaska. (My main resource was a book by Dr. Spock.) Now we are blessed with five grandchildren — ages ranging from eighteen years to six months.
Our two and half year old grandson has exhibited echolalia for some time now. He is a bright child, understands concepts that surprise me and is loving in nature. Is also bilingual for Spanish, but since I don’t speak it, I don’t know if the echolalia is present in both languages (and hadn’t thought to wonder about it until now). People find his echolalia amusing, but lately I have felt concerned.
Most references immediately give you the impression there is something wrong, and I couldn’t find anything regarding it being normal in speech development. Then I came across your site and found your article to be the most enlightening. I think it tells me not to jump to conclusions and to wait a little longer. He does answer “no” and says “my……”, and offers self-initiated conversation aside from the repeating of what is said to him. Thank you for your reassuring words with ways to measure when there should be concern, and overall for your fantastic website.
Hi, and thanks for your website.
I’m not sure what I wish to add to it except to say that in the past few months I have very much appreciated your attempts to bring a little balance back to the ample supply of ‘fear’ that is available to parents of young children.
I notice you haven’t added to it for a while. I hope it’s just the business of kids, all’s well, and we’ll hear from you again soon.
Like a lot of people, I first found your site through googling ‘echolalia’. We have a just-over 3 boy (1st born) who has receptive and pragmatic speech delays (ie: lots of vocab, very limited conversation).
He has a few other quirks – none of them I would describe as dominating – and yet googling any of them sends you hell bent down the ASD route, where there are many many scary things to read, and against which many of your posts (and the other parents who chime in) are a welcome relief.
In terms of our own journey – I have been wedged between my belief that we are already raising a generation of over-observed, over-analysed kids vs the strong messages about the importance of early intervention I am hit with constantly.
My first reaction when our day care mentioned he was falling behind in socialisation was, “well, his Dad has always been a little aloof….his Mum was a shy child…..so what?”
But over time there were too many “but what if I’m wrong?” moments, and I couldn’t stand the thought of being the parent who “could have done something to help their child but didn’t.”
So, on his 3rd birthday we wrote down our concerns (mainly speech and socialisation) and kindy’s and took them to our local GP. She agreed the speech delay needed looking into but did NOT feel an ASD analysis was required.
It was the speech therapist who would subsequently come to drop “autism” casually into conversation, which would lead to a full development check being called for, which we will attend later this week.
This has unfolded over 3 months. In that time his language, listening, direction-following and interaction have all come ahead strongly. His behaviour has improved. His frustration is less. His relationship with his younger brother is becoming quite beautiful to see.
Is he less interactive than other kids his age? Yes.
Is he somewhat obsessed with letters and numbers? Oh yes.
Does he line up toys? I think we could count the occasions on one hand.
Does he walk on his toes? Rarely, and usually then when he’s very excited about something.
But is he affectionate? Oh yes, he’ll spot his grandmother across a playground, shout her name and run to give her a hug.
Is he funny? Oh yes, his carers in particular love his mischievous and quirky humour.
Can he handle change? Sure. I would say as much as any 3 year old. He’s never freaked out in a shopping centre, demanded we must drive the same route – and if his favourite breakfast isn’t there, well, he might get a bit upset but after a minute he moves on.
But his fine motor is behind a bit (things like drawing and craft) and he does have trouble concentrating – so I’ve no doubt he’ll fail many of the tests he’ll take this week. Classic tests like building a house of a certain number of blocks. We know he can, we’ve seen him do it many times. But will he choose to do it at the time a stranger says to just because they say so?….I doubt it.
And what…. in a 3 YO….does that REALLY mean?
And how would we separate the things we would expect to see in the 3YO boy with a language delay – such as reduced socialisation, reduced eye contact, lack of desire to join in group play, unwillingness to follow instructions etc – from the fact that these things also “look like Autism?”
I await to see what unfolds this. But I’m betting that for all we’ve done in the past three months and all the angst we’ve been through it will still come back to a more-highly-qualified variant of what our GP said in the first place…. Her words still ring in my ears:
“The speech is affecting him, so we should help him with it. As for the other things…. Look; there may be some things here that we could speculate are ‘a little aspi’ or ‘a little auti’, but there is nothing serious. My view is that if there is anything along that line it is only on the very cloudy edge of the spectrum, where hundreds of people that you and I know are living happy, healthy and productive lives. I have to stress to you that this comes down to an almost philosophical view about how much we pathologize and medicalize children. Many GPs would recommend a spectrum check and if you are concerned about that I will write you a referral immediately.
But my own view is that there are two problems with rushing in to label kids who are ‘on the cloudy edge’ – the first is that the cloudy edge of one condition can look like many others, making accurate diagnosis difficult. The second is that many behaviours on that cloudy edge turn out to be normal development.”
Wise words.
What are lining up toys and walking on toes suppose to indicate?
Hi Gramms,
I’m sure you’ve already googled this up since, but lining up toys and walking on toes are promoted as “red flags” for autistic behaviour.
What is less promoted, and I am quoting Prof Simon Baron Cohen – one of the absolute gurus of evidence based (as opposed to theory based) austism research – is that “ALL children show some autistic behaviours”.
That’s right. All. Some will line up toys. Some will walk on toes. Some will flap their hands. Some will parrot speach. And these things, in and of themselves, mean nothing at all.
As the Prof puts it: “the issue is how many behaviours are evident and to what extent that are pervasive in a child’s life”.
This is something that all the various “autism screams” websites fail to promote, and in the process are causing millions of parents unneccessary angst and clogging up our pediatric units.
If your kid lines up toys for a period of time (ours did for about a week and then got bored with it) then it means nothing.
Of course, if a child shows MANY different symptoms, or more to the point, shows symptoms in such a pervasive way that it is really interfering in their live, happiness and development, then that’s a different story.
Hi,
Thank you for your blog, I have found it very helpful. I became concerned when someone commented on my son’s behaviour (acting silly and not making eye contact with adults). I now believe it is just his character. Thanks again.
love the blog but wondering why you write so intelligently but then have such young kids diagnosed.
It has been several months since I wrote about our grandson and echolalia (September 10, 2010). Now he is three years old. He converses readily and is at the age of “I can do it all by myself!” The echolalia has subsided considerably, but pops up when he is stressed. I did ask the babysitter whether the echolalia was present when he was with her –where they speak only in Spanish — and she said, “yes,” but it follows that he does it less there, too. In contrast his younger sister, who is fifteen months, hardly speaks at all, but understands exactly what is being said.
You made me feel so much better about my 27 mont h not really talking. I was doing the worried thing when a friend said to me he might me autistic because he doesn’t talk.He understands everything that I ask him to do he has hit all the milestones on time if not early but just refuses to talk or should I say use his words.He mostly points to what he wants but when I ask him to get his cup for example he goes right to the fridge and grabs his cup. I asked my doctor about it and he said not to worry he will do so when he is ready. I just wanted to say thanks for making a mother understand that just because he is not talking does not mean that autism is what he has like the rest of the fourums on the web. You have given peace in knowing that my son is just being hard headed as his father who didn’t say one word until he was three and my brother the same. thanks so much heather
These posts are amazing and inspiring. I am the mother of a 3.5 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. Both with developmental issues. But I feel like I fixate on their quirkiness rather than just enjoy the positive moments. My son is super affectionate (always wants hugs and kisses), loves to laugh, is very smart academically. But I worry about his lack of social skills – he is shy – and then I worry about little “symptoms” – he used to walk on his toes but now has pretty much stopped altogether. He would look under carpets when he was 2 years old and has now stopped. But with each one of these symptoms my heart would break and I would assume the worst. I honestly feel like reading your blog has given me a huge sense of relief. Thank you. It is amazing the amount of media out there – that can really scare you
Hello,
Thank you. Your sharing experiences are life saver to me. I’ve been heart broken with the diagnos of pdd-nos about my 3.5 year old boy. Your articles comfort and re-assure me a lot about my son’s situation. I’ve made the decision that my son was mis-diagnos with the problem, just like my little sister had told me that I worry too much and stop labeling him as pdd-nos.